The maid of honor just puked.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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