I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
