just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
