Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize