Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
