Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
