"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
