Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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