I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
