shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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