I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize