Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
