Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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