respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
