Can i not drive my cunt home
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
