My hair reeks of homosexuality.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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