I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
