you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
