loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
