Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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