Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
