i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
