I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
