people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
