it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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