Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
