Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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