How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
