I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
