Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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