Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
