Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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