i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize