wanna go halves on a baby?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
