I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize