By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
