There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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