Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize