he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
