My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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