A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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