i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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