Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Alive.
So much puke
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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