I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
