Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize