seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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