I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
