She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
