She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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