just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
