Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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