I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
