So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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