Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
