You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
