i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
