for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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