i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He literally asked permission to hit on me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
