im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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