Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize