And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
