im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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