time to smoke my breakfast
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
