I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
