you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
