Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize