i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
