dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
