So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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