he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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